What you should NEVER say to a rape victim

1."Did you like it?"

Rape isn't about sex. It has nothing to do with orgasms or pleasure or sexual satisfaction; it is primarily about control and dominance. Rape victims don't enjoy rape any more than you would enjoy getting beat up by a man twice your size. You should never say or suggest that a victim enjoyed the attack, or even ask if they did, because the answer is 'no'.

2. "It's not like you are a virgin."

Again, rape has nothing to do with sex. The violation that a rape victim experiences isn't akin to a bad night in the sack, and shouldn't be treated as such. To say that it was 'just sex' can make the victim feel as though it was his or her fault, which is detrimental to psychological healing.

3."Well, if you'd just..."

You should never tell a rape victim how he or she could have handled the situation differently. Since the incident is over and done with, he or she cannot go back in time to change the way he or she walked home from school or dressed for the evening. Not to mention, sexual assault can happen anywhere, at any time, and sometimes preventative measures simply aren't sufficient.

4."That would never happen to me."

It could. It is never a good idea to tell a rape victim why you are impervious to such an attack, and can make the situation worse. He or she doesn't want to hear about your martial arts training or your sex crimes know-how. Your job is to be supportive and understanding, not critical.

5."Maybe God is punishing you for that thing you did in the past-in college,school and so on."

Again, you should never make a rape victim feel as though he or she "had it coming". It is a crime of violence and humiliation-nothing more-and it isn't punishment for past transgressions.

6."Are you sure it was rape?"

If your loved one tells you he or she was raped, it probably happened. Even if you are nursing doubts in the back of your mind, don't voice them because you may be wrong. It can feel like a secondary violation to be told that you are wrong about your experience, and can have long-term psychological consequences.

7."Please don't talk about it anymore."

Hearing about it might make you angry and frustrated, but you're listening for the rape victim, and not for yourself.

8."It could have been worse."

Yes, it probably could have been. Rather than telling a rape victim how it could have been, mention over and over that he or she is a survivor. To come out of such a traumatic experience with one's life is a monumental accomplishment, so celebrate your loved one's strength in a positive light.