Male Rape

Facts about Men and Rape

• Men get raped by other men and even women
  
• Rapists who rape men are heterosexual in 98% of the cases
  
• Both homosexual and heterosexual men get raped
  
• In all parts of society (not just in prisons)
  
• Men are less likely to report rape
  

Most of us grow up thinking that rape happens only to women.
If male rape survivors think so too, they may feel isolated and alone.
If people in our community believe that, they may further this sense of isolation on the part of male rape survivors.

Men usually share many of the same feelings of female sexual assault survivors. They may feel:

• guilty
  
• powerless
  
• concern regarding their safety
  
• denial
  
• shock
  
• anger
  

There are, however, special issues that may be different for men:

• concerns about sexuality and/or masculinity
  
• medical procedures
  
• reporting to law enforcement
  
• telling others
  
• finding resources and support
  

Strong or weak, outgoing or withdrawn, homosexual or heterosexual, old or young, male or female; no one does anything that justifies sexual assault.

Myths about Men and Rape

No matter what was said or done or worn, no one "asks for" or deserves to be assaulted. Sexual assault has nothing to do with someone's present or future sexual orientation. Sexual assault is a crime of violence and power, not of lust or passion.

Unfortunately, many doctors, nurses, and law enforcement officers do not realize that men as well as women may be sexually assaulted. This may affect the way they treat men who have been raped. Sometimes a stereotyped view of masculinity, rather than the physical assault of the crime becomes the focus of the medical exam or law enforcement investigation.

Two myths about homosexuality may also affect the way men are treated. Many people wrongly believe that only gay men get raped. Many people also believe that assaults against men are committed only by gay men. Both of these are myths, not facts, but they may affect the way male rape survivors are treated, and/or how male survivors feel about the assault and themselves afterwards.

What Can We Do

• Recognize that men and boys can and will be sexually assaulted.
  
• Be aware of the biases and myths concerning sexual assault.
  
• Recognize that the harmful sex-role stereotypes which create narrow definitions of masculinity, as well as lies about homosexuality, make it difficult for male survivors to disclose about being raped.
  
• As individuals and as a community we must work to combat and challenge these attitudes.
  
• It is important that male rape survivors have support around them and that they be able to make their own decisions about what course of action to take.
  

MALE RESPONSIBILITY FOR RAPE AND RAPE AWARENESS

Unfortunately, most men do not recognize that there is a problem here, and fewer still acknowledge responsibility for any part of it. As a result, rape is seen, if at all, as a "women's issue." The impression remains that men are in no way connected to sexual assault, neither in its occurrence, nor through its effects, nor by its causes.

ONE IN THREE WOMEN AND ONE IN SEVEN MEN... WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

It is important that men learn to see how this cultural reality by itself has great impact on our lives. Men are connected to this world in which women and men are assaulted and men are connected to the women who are forced to adjust their behavior accordingly. These connections--through the effects of sexual violence against women--should not be for men a "women's issue." As women are affected whether or not they are actually raped, men's lives are greatly changed whether or not they are actually assailants.

WHERE DO ALL THESE RAPISTS COME FROM?

Men rape. This Is Fact One, and no discussion of sexual assault should distract us from this reality. Historically, men have always denied and evaded Fact One. This is Fact Two, and no discussion of the causes of sexual assault should deflect us from this responsibility.

Recognition of reality and acknowledgment of responsibility can come with great difficulty to most men. Evasions, denials, and defensiveness, however, miss the point and simply will no longer suffice.

SEXUAL OBJECTS MAKE SEXUAL TARGETS

The story of sexual assault in our culture is not just about rape. Rapist are not born, they are made. And remade. And the culture which makes "them" also makes "us."

The question of why some men rape is thus connected to the question of why sexual violence is tolerated. This connection exists at a double intersection: between attitudes and actions, between violence and notions of masculinity. Men are all connected to these intersections because this is where they have grown up as men.

Men have the power collectively to end rape.

Unfortunately, so far, this male collective appears to be composed mainly of men who rape, men who hold attitudes similar to rapists, and men who undoubtedly do care in their own personal lives, yet remain quiet in the community where rape occurs.

The raising of the question is far more important than its phrasing. Consider....,

HOW WOULD OUR LIVES BE DIFFERENT IF THERE WAS NO SEXUAL VIOLENCE?

HOW MEN CAN HELP PREVENT RAPE:

• examine your own attitudes about women and men that may reflect misconceptions about rape
  
• assertively interrupt jokes, comments or actions that lead to attitudes or situations that can cause rape
  
• assist women with precautions that decrease their chances of becoming victims
  
• support women's actions to take charge of their own lives; to be confident and strong
  
• listen to women's feelings about being victimized
  

ACTIONS MEN CAN TAKE:

• If a woman says "no" to your sexual advances, respect that "no" at face value. Do not accept the myth that "no" means "yes."
  
• In a dating or intimate relationship communicate clearly how you feel and what you want. Do not assume your date or partner feels the same way. Respect the other person's feelings and needs.
  
• Be aware of situations that increase a woman's vulnerability. How would you respond if you witnessed an intoxicated woman at a party being escorted by two or three men to a bedroom.
  
• Confront men who are harassing women on the street or at a party. Point out sexist comments and behavior with your friends and coworkers.
  
• Tell men that you do not think rape jokes are funny.
  

If you feel uncomfortable confronting other men on sexist issues, then get in touch with other men who share your views. Build your confidence in how you feel and learn how you can make an impact by being an example.

Whether or not WE as individuals are violent, WE support and encourage THE MEN who rape both by the actions that support a sexist society and the inaction that condones the violence. If WE work together to educate ourselves and THE MEN around us about the devastating effects of rape and sexual assault and how WE can eliminate the violence and sexist attitudes that precipitate rape WE can make it end.

LEARN TO RECOGNIZE EMOTIONS IN YOURSELF AND OTHERS

Violence generally does not erupt from nowhere. There are clues when anger is becoming unmanageable. The ways people handle their anger are divided into two general categories:

Stuffers:

Those who stuff anger down inside themselves and deny its presence, suffer feelings of low self esteem, and self doubt, intellectualize their situations. They become progressively withdrawn, depressed, tense, until it becomes too much and they explode in violence.

Escalators:

Escalators are easier to identify. They begin their sentences with "you." They blame and call names. Eventually their anger escalates into a blow-up and violence.

Identifying these signs early allows more options for change.

IMMEDIATE ALTERNATIVES TO VIOLENT BEHAVIOR

If you are feeling out of control with your anger and think you may hurt someone or yourself, you can do something immediately to squash the impulse and leave yourself better able to deal with problems:

• call someone
  
• meditate or do breathing exercises to relax
  
• take a cold shower, or relax in a hot bath
  
• work on a hobby
  
• go into another room and scream
  
• complete or begin projects around the house or yard
  
• take a "time out" and leave the scene completely for a designated time
  
• hit a pillow
  
• take a walk
  
• exercise
  

LIFESTYLE CHANGES TO MODIFY VIOLENT BEHAVIOR

• develop a daily decompression time from work to home
  
• establish regular family fun time
  
• develop a positive self-confidence so that you can be assertive rather than aggressive in communicating
  
• reduce the number of factors which reinforce violence in your life
  
• identify activities which produce a lot of stress in your life and work on eliminating or modifying those activities
  
• examine the addictions in your life which may increase the chance for violence
  
• develop good health habits: eating, sleeping well and daily exercise can make a difference
  
• develop fun time for yourself
  
• identify groups which may provide you with support in dealing with particular problems
  
• take self-help classes in communication, parent education, etc..
  
• think of long term changes you wish to make to decrease the stress in your life
  

source:http://www.rapecrisiscenter.com/education_articles_007.htm